I had an intense period in my younger days, when I was trying to figure out “where I suppose to go” in my life. During those times I always felt like, somehow the answer is in me, but that voice was difficult to follow. It seemed like it would take too long and I really needed validation from others. I would reach out to people who are gifted with “knowing” and “seeing” things before they happen, which often left me inspired but more often not. That thing never really satisfies, because trying to figure out the future outcome and solutions to your deepest questions, by using other people’s “set of lens” through which they see the world, can be useful, but only to certain extent. Yes, It can be wonderful time spent in conversations with charismatic individuals, talking about what’s good to come for you and what would be the best thing for you to do, but – do I want the answer to my most profound questions, in a form of someone spooning me with the answers?!
So I decided to find the answer in me. The only thing I needed to do is to find a way to block out one layer of my consciousness and hear what my inner voice is “telling me”, while the daily ordinary mind shuts quiet. The way I could do that, I learned, could be through drinking Ayahuasca. I thought about it. I let that idea marinade in my mind for one and a half year. Meanwhile, I tripped upon the subject of plant medicine many times; one last time and I packed my bags, cashed out 4000$ and got myself on the trip. I went to find out who am I and what am I supposed to do.
It was not that I was bored in my life, or felt utterly lost and deeply unhappy. Something else was driving me. It was my hunger for life, too many ideas and potentials in front of me, and I just needed to focus on which one to choose. I needed that ONE simple answer!
The experience of immersing with Ayahuasca was colourful, sweet, bitter (as the actual taste itself), scary and mostly joyful. It was a profound moment in my life. However, there is no need to explain how did the process go or what visions did I get, because it’s deeply personal and most importantly, you wouldn’t benefit from it, as those inner moments were made by and for me.
Writing at this point in time, couple of years have passed since my joint venture with Aya’ in finding my life path. I used to vividly remember every beat of the drum and the sensation of Plant flowing through my body, transcending my mind and limited perception; but as the time went on, that same mind got cluttered again, with everyday matters. However, the veils of time have left couple of powerful insights that I still vividly contemplate:
1. Do what you feel called to do RIGHT now. And this I refer to things like – life calling and life purpuse. Often, you do not do ___, because you think you have to do ___ ( you feel in the blank for yourself, whatever that blank is in your life ). So, Just be honest with yourself and go straight to the point of what you want – Do what you feel called to do, now!
2. You do not need to use natural substance to find the answers in yourself. You can find your answers and piece in your life by doing simple and clean actions. By simplifying your life, you simplify your mind and you can actually start hearing your inner voice.
If I can offer you the short answer of weather you should do ayahuasca or anything else that’s considered a plant medicine, I would say – no. The long way is truly the best way. We came here ( on physical plane) to find out, to get lost, to succeed and fail in our attempts. We are here to be in our bodies and use them in every step of the way, constantly bringing the mind back to balance when it gets too fast and messy. We own our consciousness and our bodies with all the chemistry needed to enable awakening and deeper realisations in us. This is where we are all the same and therefore designed for experiencing divine moments.
So like everything real in life, it takes time. It takes courage not getting the answers but trust they are in you and they will show up when the timing is right. And If you have to take a the lifetime to unfold your answers, so be it! Life is shorter than we think, anyways. For the Creator, one life is just a brief moment, probably as brief as one ‘click’ on our phone camera while taking your daily Insta’ photo.